Chapter 5

Days passed sluggishly, and nights passed even more slowly. Jesus abhorred his bedsentence, but Sophia continued to insist on it for his recovery. He attended classes normally and completed the extra assignments that the Senora had given him. The book began slow and mundane, and provided little to keep his interest. He grudgingly completed the reports twice a week, leaning heavily upon Sophia’s help in understanding and writing about the texts. The record player became his closest friend, a steadfast companion in the solitary existence of his crippled state. After two weeks, he could manage to move about normally with the help of crutches. He took advantage of the opportunity, often spending his afternoons outside in the shade of the great oak tree that guarded the orphanage.

He also began tutoring Juan, per Sophia’s request. Jesus found this somewhat frustrating, as the concepts that flowed naturally to him often took Juan days of repetition to assimilate. Slowly but surely, he began to advance, and Jesus learned patience. It was its own reward to help the slow student keep up, and Jesus came to look forward to his time tutoring. It grounded him and ensured that he truly did understand the concepts inside and out. Oftentimes, Jesus would find that, even with a concept he had thought he had mastered, a few innocent questions would reveal that his knowledge had gaping holes and disconnections. In learning, he understood the concepts in a more intimate sense.

Jesus’ body was wasting away, his healing potential focused on fusing the bone and tissue of his leg, the rest of his muscles had begun to atrophy by lack of exercise. He yearned to go outside, walk around play football, to do anything to break up the monotonous routine of rest and study. He was restless and yearning for an escape, and an escape is what he found during an evening stroll along the treeline that bordered the bakery.

In the dusk hour, while the other students ate dinner, Jesus found Andrea smoking a marijuana joint in a secluded spot. She saw him approaching, and made no effort to conceal what she was doing.

She simply lifted the thing into the air, a motion meant to silent offer Jesus a toke.

Jesus admired her stoic coldness with a subtle combination of fear and attraction. She was both dangerous and lovely, tall and dark as a raven. He would look back to this moment later on as a decision that formed his future, one of those rare deciding moments that are so often only apparent in retrospect. He considered the prospect. Never before had he smoked weed, although he knew many people that had. Sophia had warned him of the dangers of the drug, and he knew in some fundamental, religious sense that it was wrong, but those that he knew who had actually tried it assured him that it was harmless, if not beneficial. He decided to accept the older girl’s offer, and took the tightly rolled joint from her.

“Breathe deep and hold it in,” She instructed. He obliged, and quickly sputtered out a fit of coughing. The harsh smoke burned his lungs and throat. She laughed and took a long drag and ashed it.

“Next time, try not to choke,”

“Sorry,” Jesus said sheepishly, and took another hit. This time he held it in for almost ten seconds, then slowly exhaled a cloud of smoke, seemingly to Andrea’s approval. She took the joint and breathed it in, savoring it like a connoisseur. Jesus nervously shifted from foot to foot, watching Andrea hold the joint in front of her. His nervousness had sharpened his senses, overexcited and anxious for the effects of the marijuana to hit him, he examined the details of the sparse foliage and hardy trees that populated the land behind the orphanage. It was a wonder that anything could grow in such an arid, hot climate, but somehow these great sturdy woods emanated from the ground like silent monoliths, unaware of the miracle of their own existence.

Without another word, she snuffed out the remaining half on the bark of the tree and motioned for him to draw closer. After a moment’s anxious hesitation, Jesus let her take his shoulder and pull his lips to her. At first He thought it was meant to be a kiss, but then she exhaled, shotgunning smoke into his mouth. What an intimate and strange moment it was, one that Jesus would fall back to in his mind time and time again in the future.

She pulled away and said, “I have to go see Rodrigo. You can have this. It will probably help with the pain,” She handed him the joint and made off into the darkness. She disappeared before long, leaving him alone in the grove.

Jesus tucked the joint away in his pants and decided to stay out a bit longer before returning to the orphanage, out of fear of someone smelling it on him. After fifteen minutes, he began to feel giddy and light. It was unlike anything he had experienced before, simultaneously lifting him up and bringing him down. Jesus found himself finding incredible significance in things that he took for granted: The twinkling stars, the soft glow of the moon, the leaves and branches of the trees. He stared at his own hands for what seemed like an hour. In reality, it was under one minute. The ambient sounds of the village at night took on a new meaning, too. He imagined great animals rustling through the underbrush, tracking him like prey. Fearful for his safety, he returned to the security of the orphanage. Despite his sudden hunger, he felt anxious about interaction with Sophia and the others, so he grabbed a few slices of bread and made his way to the dorm. If they had noticed, they didn’t say anything. He laid down into bliss and floated off into a deep, dreamless sleep.

The next day, Senora had an important announcement to make. She gathered all the children into the kitchen just before breakfast time. Jesus noted that Andrea wasn’t present.

“Most of you have never left Nueva Casa,” She began, “Some of you came from other parts of Mexico, but as long as I’ve owned this orphanage, I’ve never organized a trip,” Feet shuffled and voices murmured with anticipation. “In one month, we are all going to visit the Baja peninsula. I’ve arranged for us to stay at a house there for a full week. There is a beautiful coastline, but more importantly,” She emphasized, “Baja Leai is the site of a great university. Osito’s own Alma Mater,”

Jesus had no idea that he had even gone to college. It occurred to him that there might be many things about Osito that he didn’t know.

“This is a great opportunity we are being afforded, at no fault of my own,” She paused, “So I expect everyone to show respect to our hosts.”

She went on to explain the details of the trip. They would take an overnight bus north to a station, and another to Baja Leai. The trip would take a full day. They would be staying at a boarding house, split into three rooms. Osito would bring his wife, Rosa, and two daughters, Ana and Lila, who were still too young to attend Sophia’s classes. They would spend a week in total on the trip, the five days in Baja Leai split between the beach, the prestigious Leai University, and the Baja Museum of Traditional Art and History. By then, Jesus thought, his leg would be recovered, and he would be able to enjoy the full extent of the trip. Carmen and Enrique chattered with excitement about their plans and possibilities.

“At no fault of my own … ” Sophia had said. What did that mean? Whose fault was it, then?

Jesus didn’t have much time to spend musing, as he was quickly recruited in the preparation of breakfast.

He worked absent-mindedly, his thoughts far away in the future.

In class, Sophia gave a lengthy lecture about the importance of proper preposition use in formal writing. She droned on and on, and Jesus found it hard to contain his mind. He imagined himself as a mouse scampering through a maze. One pathway led to a beautiful white sandy Baja beach, another to Andrea in the treeline, puffing away.

“Want some?” But Rodrigo was already in the way. Another path, this time filled with Winston, or Scott’s wide grin and jet black fedora. He could hear Paul Simon serenading softly. Another path, and another, and another, filled with tacos, construction companies, and footballs. But which was the right path? How would he know when he had reached his prize?

“Hey,” Said Miriam, nudging him with her elbow. “Have you seen Andrea?” She looked concerned. There was a note of fear in her voice, “She didn’t come home last night.”

Jesus considered how much she needed to know. It wasn’t in his nature to overshare. “Yeah, I saw her last night.”

“What was she doing?”

“Just hanging out,” he said. Miriam gave him a look. “She said that she was going to see Rodrigo,” he added.

Shit. that’s probably more than I should have said.

“I wish she would stop seeing that guy. He’s no good.”

“You’re telling me.”

“Jesus, is there something you’d like to share with the class?” Senora said. Jesus kept quiet and she continued.

“How will anyone know what you are intending to say when you don’t know the difference between the correct usages of lo, el, le … ” She droned.

The lecture was informative, if not grindingly slow. Senora had a tendency to overelaborate otherwise simple concepts.

That’s why Juan needs tutoring. How many simple things has she overcomplicated just to make herself appear smarter?

Although he liked Senora, she could get on his nerves. She was overly critical of his writing reports. It seemed that he couldn’t complete one single sentence without her commenting on a misplaced comma or a poor choice of verb tense. She was an endless source of criticism, and even though she wasn’t overly harsh, Jesus thought it impossible to completely win her approval.

Later on, he regurgitated the lesson in simpler terms alone with Juan. Now, he was working with Juan every day. Jesus saw real improvement in the student’s capabilities. It felt like he was actually making a difference, and that was something Jesus relished. Juan wasn’t stupid, Jesus learned. He understood the concepts, and once he grasped them. he was able to connect them to other ideas and use them correctly in context. He wasn’t dumb, it just took him some time to assimilate new information.

That evening, Jesus put on the Beatles record that Winston had gave him. Love Me Do played, and Enrique began gyrating around the dormitory, imitating the guitar player. Christian, Juan, and Rico found it hilarious, and began dancing and mimicking the music. It was lively and energetic, unlike the traditional Mexican music they were used to. The song faded out, and Enrique jumped on the bed, pointing to the other boys as if he was in front of a stadium audience. He leaned down and turned up the record player all the way and shouted into his invisible microphone as the next song began. They laughed, moved, wiggled, and stomped until Senora burst into the room, berating them. The boys settled down, shut off the record player, and began to prepare for bed. In the next room, the girls giggled at how Senora had rebuked them. Secretly, they wished to have been part of the dancing.

“Where were you last night?” Miriam asked Andrea quietly, trying not to attract Carmen’s attention. Andrea simply smiled, laughed, and shrugged in response.

“You were with Rodrigo?” She asked. Andrea stopped flaunting, then grinned slowly and cocked her head.

“Did you guys … You know?” Miriam said. Andrea laughed.

“Did we what? Yes, we read the bible all night long and sang songs of worship,” She leaned in a little closer, “Mother Mary would have been proud.”

The two girls giggled and laughed, and then brushed each other’s hair.

In the next room, Jesus put on another record and set the volume just low enough he could barely hear, as to not disturb the others as they drifted off to sleep.

So you see I have come to doubt

All that I once held as true

I stand alone without beliefs

The only truth I know is you